- It’s 12:03am.
- I should probably go to bed.
- I’m not tired; 30 more minutes on Netflix is needed.
- 12:33am. That’s not too late, is it?
- Still not tired.
- I’ll watch something boring, that’ll do it.
- 1:23am. Still awake. Still not tired.
- Alarm goes off at 7am. If I fall asleep right now I can still get 5 hours and 37 minutes sleep.
- Brushing teeth, going for a wee and finding some pajama’s may take a few minutes; let’s call it 5 and a half hours sleep. I can function on that.
- Get into bed.
- Is that a child I can hear?
- No, I think I’m imagining things.
- Maybe I should check? What if they need me and aren’t calling properly?
- I should check on them.
- They’re sleeping.
- I can spare a couple of minutes watching them sleep; never know, it might be contagious.
- If my kids wake up up now and see me staring at them they’re going to be properly freaked out. What am I doing?
- Get back into bed.
- 1:47am. How is it that late?
- If it wasn’t a child, what did I hear?
- Are we being burgled?
- We did lock the front door, didn’t we?
- That’s not normally my ‘job’ – what if he forgot?
- Probably best I check.
- Front door is locked.
- Get back into bed.
- Can a fox get in the cat flap? What if there’s a fox in the house?
- Surely the cat would be going nuts?
- Ah, but if the fox has eaten the cat…
- Probably best I check.
- No fox.
- Cat flap is smaller than I remember – surely a fox can’t get through the that?
- Consider blocking it for the night, balancing the probability of whether the cat will need to go out for a wee in the night.
- When does the cat even wee?
- 2:04am.
- Less than 5 hours till the alarm goes off. I need to sleep.
- Get back into bed.
- Husband is snoring.
- I should punch him. Suddenly I hate him; not because I don’t love him but because he’s blatantly showing off that he’s asleep.
- WHY IS EVERYONE ASLEEP BUT ME? AGAIN?
- New life goal: to not be the last person asleep. I can do that. Not tonight, though, obviously.
- If I stare at the dark long enough, I’m fairly certain my eyes will think they’re shut and I’ll nod off.
- 2:39am.
- Still awake. Looking at the dark is so boring.
- 4 hours 21 minutes till the alarm goes off, dammit.
- Margaret Thatcher survived on 4 hours a night. If she can run a country on 4 hours a night, I can surely manage a school run?
- 3:01am.
- Read. I’ll read. Something really boring, like the dictionary or something.
- Abattoir is such an odd word.
- Oh my, I never knew ‘Abbozzo’ is the word used to describe a preliminary sketch. I’m totally using that in conversation.
- Who knew the dictionary could be so much fun?
- Oh.
- 3:27am.
- This isn’t working.
- 3 hours 33 minutes until the alarm.
- What’s going to be worse? No sleep or 3 hours and 33 minutes of sleep?
- I’ve just lost 2 minutes thinking that through.
- I think I need a wee.
- I’m not sure if I do, but now that thought is there I can’t think about anything else.
- I’m comfy. Going to the bathroom now risks that.
- Not going to the bathroom risks a whole bunch of other stuff.
- I’ll go to the bathroom.
- There’s a potty full of wee. When did she get up and do that?
- Oh. That could be the ‘fox’ I worried about, then.
- 3:45am.
- It almost looks like it’s getting light outside.
- I hate summer.
- Get back into bed.
- Can’t get comfy. And I didn’t need a wee after all. That was a complete waste of time.
- Trying not to cry.
- I’m so tired I actually feel cold, but the eyes just won’t close. I’ll just lay here and do nothing. Blank mind and all that.
- 4:17am.
- 4:32am.
- 4:59am.
- Feeling the eyes finally getting heavy.
- Birds? That sounds like birds?
- The bloody birds have woken up.
- Holy cow. Just how loud are they?
- Seriously, guys, you’ve got all day to sing, whistle and make as much noise as you like. IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
- Shoves head under pillow.
- Can still hear them.
- And now can’t breathe.
- 5:20am.
- Gives up.
- News. I’ll go downstairs and watch the news.
- Sofa suddenly feels really comfy; I like this.
- Eyes are heavy.
- WHO IS TICKLING ME?!
- Dammit, cat.
- No, it’s not breakfast time. IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
- Since when did the cat purr so loudly?
- Between the cat and the birds it’s like trying to sleep in a zoo.
- Memo to cat: do me a favour and kill all the birds.
- 5:52am.
- Can’t. Keep. Eyes. Open.
- Goodnight. At flipping last.
- Sleep.
- 7:00am.
- Alarm goes off.
- Coffee.
bike seat
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