100 thoughts Of An Insomniac

100 thoughts Of An Insomniac
  1. It’s 12:03am.
  2. I should probably go to bed.
  3. I’m not tired; 30 more minutes on Netflix is needed.
  4. 12:33am. That’s not too late, is it?
  5. Still not tired.
  6. I’ll watch something boring, that’ll do it.
  7. 1:23am. Still awake. Still not tired.
  8. Alarm goes off at 7am. If I fall asleep right now I can still get 5 hours and 37 minutes sleep.
  9. Brushing teeth, going for a wee and finding some pajama’s may take a few minutes; let’s call it 5 and a half hours sleep. I can function on that.
  10. Get into bed.
  11. Is that a child I can hear?
  12. No, I think I’m imagining things.
  13. Maybe I should check? What if they need me and aren’t calling properly?
  14. I should check on them.
  15. They’re sleeping.
  16. I can spare a couple of minutes watching them sleep; never know, it might be contagious.
  17. If my kids wake up up now and see me staring at them they’re going to be properly freaked out. What am I doing?
  18. Get back into bed.
  19. 1:47am. How is it that late?
  20. If it wasn’t a child, what did I hear?
  21. Are we being burgled?
  22. We did lock the front door, didn’t we?
  23. That’s not normally my ‘job’ – what if he forgot?
  24. Probably best I check.
  25. Front door is locked.
  26. Get back into bed.
  27. Can a fox get in the cat flap? What if there’s a fox in the house?
  28. Surely the cat would be going nuts?
  29. Ah, but if the fox has eaten the cat…
  30. Probably best I check.
  31. No fox.
  32. Cat flap is smaller than I remember – surely a fox can’t get through the that?
  33. Consider blocking it for the night, balancing the probability of whether the cat will need to go out for a wee in the night.
  34. When does the cat even wee?
  35. 2:04am.
  36. Less than 5 hours till the alarm goes off. I need to sleep.
  37. Get back into bed.
  38. Husband is snoring.
  39. I should punch him. Suddenly I hate him; not because I don’t love him but because he’s blatantly showing off that he’s asleep.
  41. New life goal: to not be the last person asleep. I can do that. Not tonight, though, obviously.
  42. If I stare at the dark long enough, I’m fairly certain my eyes will think they’re shut and I’ll nod off.
  43. 2:39am.
  44. Still awake. Looking at the dark is so boring.
  45. 4 hours 21 minutes till the alarm goes off, dammit.
  46. Margaret Thatcher survived on 4 hours a night. If she can run a country on 4 hours a night, I can surely manage a school run?
  47. 3:01am.
  48. Read. I’ll read. Something really boring, like the dictionary or something.
  49. Abattoir is such an odd word.
  50. Oh my, I never knew ‘Abbozzo’ is the word used to describe a preliminary sketch. I’m totally using that in conversation.
  51. Who knew the dictionary could be so much fun?
  52. Oh.
  53. 3:27am.
  54. This isn’t working.
  55. 3 hours 33 minutes until the alarm.
  56. What’s going to be worse? No sleep or 3 hours and 33 minutes of sleep?
  57. I’ve just lost 2 minutes thinking that through.
  58. I think I need a wee.
  59. I’m not sure if I do, but now that thought is there I can’t think about anything else.
  60. I’m comfy. Going to the bathroom now risks that.
  61. Not going to the bathroom risks a whole bunch of other stuff.
  62. I’ll go to the bathroom.
  63. There’s a potty full of wee. When did she get up and do that?
  64. Oh. That could be the ‘fox’ I worried about, then.
  65. 3:45am.
  66. It almost looks like it’s getting light outside.
  67. I hate summer.
  68. Get back into bed.
  69. Can’t get comfy. And I didn’t need a wee after all. That was a complete waste of time.
  70. Trying not to cry.
  71. I’m so tired I actually feel cold, but the eyes just won’t close. I’ll just lay here and do nothing. Blank mind and all that.
  72. 4:17am.
  73. 4:32am.
  74. 4:59am.
  75. Feeling the eyes finally getting heavy.
  76. Birds? That sounds like birds?
  77. The bloody birds have woken up.
  78. Holy cow. Just how loud are they?
  79. Seriously, guys, you’ve got all day to sing, whistle and make as much noise as you like. IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
  80. Shoves head under pillow.
  81. Can still hear them.
  82. And now can’t breathe.
  83. 5:20am.
  84. Gives up.
  85. News. I’ll go downstairs and watch the news.
  86. Sofa suddenly feels really comfy; I like this.
  87. Eyes are heavy.
  89. Dammit, cat.
  90. No, it’s not breakfast time. IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
  91. Since when did the cat purr so loudly?
  92. Between the cat and the birds it’s like trying to sleep in a zoo.
  93. Memo to cat: do me a favour and kill all the birds.
  94. 5:52am.
  95. Can’t. Keep. Eyes. Open.
  96. Goodnight. At flipping last.
  97. Sleep.
  98. 7:00am.
  99. Alarm goes off.
  100. Coffee.

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